Stray Thoughts

I don't really have a topic that I particularly want to explore right now, but I have an urge to write. So here's a small collection of the various topics that hamster wheel in my minuscule grey matter world.

I think I'm losing Nor's attention. Not sure if it's a bad thing. A nagging feeling at the back of my brain, that I'm the one who's being cold and she's just reacting. Not too sure, but there's a possibility to that.

Easy to fall into a conversation with Esty. However, there's a certain sense of motive behind this friendship. Do I want to address the elephant in the room? Maybe I'm just over sensitive.

I have this bad habit of procrastinating when I feel pressured. This is evident in my work. I haven't quite a clear cut idea of what I'm doing, and as a result, I find it hard to focus when I don't even have that starting point. Perhaps I let things overwhelm me too fast too soon.

Yes, I keep insisting that I don't want a long term relationship now. Still, I think deep down I want one. So contradictory. I guess, I want that companionship? Another file to be processed later on; Shove it to the back corner.

I've been feeling lost, one way or another, ever since things with Tasha fell apart. Felt like, the compass is spoilt, ship lost its anchor, and stars aren't out to play. Been struggling on and off, and it's something that's affecting my professional life as well. If you asked me back then, I'd tell you, my aim is to migrate to the States to be with Tasha; build a family together, work things out together. Now? I've not a clue, in all honesty.

A broken record is what i sound like. Quite apt too. I know I DON'T want to be in an operations based job role. Then what? No idea. Feels like I've been camping at this crossroads for ages. So I'm currently in a non-operations role. More of a middle office kind of position, where it's not back end, nor is it entirely client facing. Perhaps more of a 70% back end, 30% client facing. Or even a 80/20. A question Tasha recently asked me: Do you like your job. In all fairness, I don't hate the job. I'm just not sure I'm suitable for this job.