So it was a pretty good weekend, despite the fact that my calves hurt like a m*****f*****.
I caught up with SP on Saturday afternoon, and Joanne that same night. Talking to SP, made me realize just how fortunate I am to have her in my life. We met in, 2004. That's 12 years of friendship. Despite that small gap where I consciously avoided her while I dealt with my emotions, we're pretty tight.
Not in the sense that we talk daily, but rather, somehow, we're always there for each other. Poor girl is facing the decision of her life: To marry or not to marry. Well. Relationship issues. Towards the end, we briefly talked about me. My decision is an even bigger decision than hers: To pursue the PR or not to.
With Joanne, we caught up a fair bit, again, on the relationship part. She shared about her past relationships and her concerns. We talked about me and my relationships, or lack of. Going home that night, we continued talking for a bit.
The conclusions I drew from talking to Joanne, is that, command of the language, English, is a big deal for me. As submissive and willing to compromise as I am, I can't be attracted to someone who's not good with communicating in English. This is because I'm most comfortable with this language. Malay is fine, Chinese is ok, but the deal clincher is English.
This re-affirms the fact that, intelligence is a huge turn on for me. Being able to banter and trade remarks gets me all heated up. I suppose, that's a reason why I'm not quite as attracted to Chinese as compared to other races. That, is the pivoting reason why I'm so attracted to Nana. Sasi comes in 2nd, purely because of his gender.
I realize, I don't care about height, looks or education level. I care that the other party has to be financially independent, and is able to carry on a conversation. Doesn't quite matter if she's short or tall, good looking or not, with a degree or not. As long as they can support themselves financially, and we can click on a conversational level, it's enough for me.
With SP, we talked about expectations, actions and reactions. My impression was that, her mindset has changed from a 'we' perspective, to a 'me' perspective, and I told her this. She agreed. She, has come to a point of no return. The only thing holding her back, is the fact that it's been 6-7 years of being together, and that there's a sense of reluctance. 'When a person ceases to be angry or to bother caring, all that's left is a sea of disappointment.'
I'm slowly getting there, with Nana, to be honest. Joanne keeps telling me not to bother with her, she just doesn't know that I'm getting more than a bit frustrated. It feels like, nothing I do is going to get through. I'm definitely infatuated with Nana. Yet, I feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder. And that hurts.
Both my calves and my heart hurts.
Monday, May 22, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
Serabai
So I learned a new word today: serabai.
Apparently it means messy. Disorganized. Disheveled. Haywire.
Flirting with Sasi, is amusing. To be honest, I can't quite picture myself fucking him. I suppose I could, but not quite enough to sext. Sexting a girl tho. That's a different story.
I much rather fuck Nana. And that, is the truth. A woman's body, a woman's curves, just scream out to me. I THINK she's willing to go along with the fucking. Like, I believe that she's somewhat interested to fuck. But then again, I could be wrong.
I wrote this relatively long post about Nana yesterday. I published it.... and turned around and deleted it by accident. How idiotic. So yea, Nana. She's... INTRIGUING. She's a personality that I've never encountered among my circle of friends. She's intense, passionate, outspoken & fiery. She's like a bite of wasabi. It hits you when you first take a bite, and hits you harder when you swallow.
A multi-talented artist. That's how'd I describe her. The girl can sing, paint, write, is a fabulous spoken poet and does the occasional life art modeling. She's comfortable in her own skin, and that, in itself, is confidence. Confidence, for me, is a turn on. Coupled with an immerse wit and intelligence, that is the line, hook and sinker.
She's interesting. And it's been ages since I've came across someone that attracts my attention as much and as consistent as her. There's just something about her, that draws me like a moth to a flame. I suppose, like all artists, she has a certain charm to her person. An aura, if you will, that causes people to notice her in a full room. Crowd control, just like her alter ego in ML: BB. *laughs* Charisma. That's the word.
Gosh. Looks like I'm going on and on and on about this amazing lady. It's odd. I don't normally open up much to people, much less a person I barely know. Perhaps she was just at the right place, at the right time. Doubt it, but hey, I should entertain the possibility right?
My impression of her, and this is purely speculation, is that she's emotionally driven. In that, it's like a roller coaster ride. Impossible highs and diving lows. I'm talking about her emotional state of mind. Perhaps I'm just projecting, but that is what appears in my mind eye when I think of her. I could be wrong, and maybe I'm not that great at reading people after all. Only time would tell. I hope that, and I want that, this would be a friendship, with benefits or not, that would last. For she truly is a wonder and a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale world.
Apparently it means messy. Disorganized. Disheveled. Haywire.
Flirting with Sasi, is amusing. To be honest, I can't quite picture myself fucking him. I suppose I could, but not quite enough to sext. Sexting a girl tho. That's a different story.
I much rather fuck Nana. And that, is the truth. A woman's body, a woman's curves, just scream out to me. I THINK she's willing to go along with the fucking. Like, I believe that she's somewhat interested to fuck. But then again, I could be wrong.
I wrote this relatively long post about Nana yesterday. I published it.... and turned around and deleted it by accident. How idiotic. So yea, Nana. She's... INTRIGUING. She's a personality that I've never encountered among my circle of friends. She's intense, passionate, outspoken & fiery. She's like a bite of wasabi. It hits you when you first take a bite, and hits you harder when you swallow.
A multi-talented artist. That's how'd I describe her. The girl can sing, paint, write, is a fabulous spoken poet and does the occasional life art modeling. She's comfortable in her own skin, and that, in itself, is confidence. Confidence, for me, is a turn on. Coupled with an immerse wit and intelligence, that is the line, hook and sinker.
She's interesting. And it's been ages since I've came across someone that attracts my attention as much and as consistent as her. There's just something about her, that draws me like a moth to a flame. I suppose, like all artists, she has a certain charm to her person. An aura, if you will, that causes people to notice her in a full room. Crowd control, just like her alter ego in ML: BB. *laughs* Charisma. That's the word.
Gosh. Looks like I'm going on and on and on about this amazing lady. It's odd. I don't normally open up much to people, much less a person I barely know. Perhaps she was just at the right place, at the right time. Doubt it, but hey, I should entertain the possibility right?
My impression of her, and this is purely speculation, is that she's emotionally driven. In that, it's like a roller coaster ride. Impossible highs and diving lows. I'm talking about her emotional state of mind. Perhaps I'm just projecting, but that is what appears in my mind eye when I think of her. I could be wrong, and maybe I'm not that great at reading people after all. Only time would tell. I hope that, and I want that, this would be a friendship, with benefits or not, that would last. For she truly is a wonder and a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stale world.
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