Numb Dumb Bum

If I didn't write, I don't think I can stand the oppressing feeling within.

So it's been a long cold month. If I was pressed to pinpoint an exact date, it would be, our 1st fight. That's when the change started. Granted, it was gradual. It really came to an explosive incident yesterday.

She said: There is something we cannot force, when it comes to love, we cannot force. And it's obvious that. I tried, it just don't feel like it.

Followed by me telling her, if she wants to cut me off, I deserve a talk. To clear the air. Also, if she wants me to leave her alone. It has to come from her. Before I invest anymore heart into this.

She then said: I will talk to you when I get to see you. I have a lot of problems happening, mixed feelings a lot of stuff let me have some time off to think things through. I will talk to you.

I keep wondering.

Where did I go wrong? Did I say or do something wrong? Actions & reactions? Was I... Am I not enough? Perhaps I was too pushy, too clingy. Perhaps I just couldn't compare.

So many questions, so many unknowns, so much tears.

Crying, stopping; crying, stopping; crying, stopping.

I deactivated my Facebook account, muted her conversation. I just want to crawl in bed, and not get up/get out. I don't know what the outcome would be like, I don't know what's going on in her mind, in her heart.

All I know is, I hurt. It aches. I thought, hurting over Tasha was bad. This? For a... relationship? that's only a few months old, the hurt is at par. Effort and heart.

Hurts so bad, it has a numbing effect.